NANG MANAGINIP ANG HANGAL ( Isang Radikal na Pagtingin sa Buhay )

Sa aking nabasang libro na pinamagatang “Nang Managinip ang Hangal”, ni John R. Jimenez, M.D., Kabanata 5- Nang Makatanggap ako ng Tatlong Karunungan, maraming bagay ang aking napagnilay-nilayan na sadya nga namang maiiugnay ko sa aking buhay. Tunay ngang ang buhay ng isang tao ay mahiwaga, masalimuot at puno ng inseguridad. Napagtanto kong tayong mga nilalang sa lupa ay pilit nagpupumiglas at nanlalaban dahil takot at tamad tayong makipagsapalaran. Tayo’y nabubuhay sa mga salita at pag-iisip, hindi sa reyalidad.

Isa lamang akong tao. Minsan na din akong naloko at nalinlang. Tulad na lamang ng isang karakter sa aking nabasang kabanata na agad-agad nagpapaniwala sa mga kwentong kutsero lamang.

I can say that I am partly immature and feeble. The mere fact that I was once a victim of the lies that have been told to me, I can say also that no one could prevent you in this world except yourself. We are sometimes driven by some other people whom we know could lead us to a way of truth and pedestal of glory but again, we will realize in the end that we are just being toyed for their own sake, that we are just being directed in a dark pit.

Masakit mang tanggapin na tayong mga tao, tulad ko, ay sadyang marupok sa katotohanang tayo’y nakakulong sa mga makamundong bagay at nahihirapang tanggapin ang reyalidad ng buhay. Simple lamang ang buhay. Oo, tama nga. Ngunit kung tutuusin, mahirap magkunwaring masaya tayo.

Ang ibon, madali niyang pinaniwala ang karakter na dapat daw ay sa kanya ang perlas kung hindi niya lamang pinakawalan. Agad siyang naghinagpis at nanghihinayang na parang isang babae na manganganak. Kaya sabi ng ibon sa kanya: “Di ba sinabi ko na sa’yo hwag kang maghinagpis sa nakaraan? At isa pa wag kang maniwala sa mga kwentong kutsero? Oo nga naman. Hindi man lang naisip ng lalaki na kung ito ay perlas na malaki sa loob ng katawan ng ibon, paano kaya naman yun magkakasya?

Lies. Aggression. Anger. Betrayal. Bigotry. Blame. Cowardice.

The aforementioned words describe a life of a person. Life itself is full of negative events and feelings. We, as adaptive creatures, are the ones held responsible on how to deal with those. Sometimes it takes control of your life and you see everything in the worst possible way. We must always be vigilant. Some things in life are so obvious, like the fact that you will drop dead at some point.

Sharing one of my life experiences, it was Ber-months that I got this opportunity to know and met this person. Actually, that person is a friend of my best friend. She told me that she was not yet committed that time. Every time we were together, mutual feelings were there. I was hooked up by her sweet smile and words and at the latter part, she said to me, “Baby, you’re the one I surely love.”
Isang aral na naman ang aking natutunan. Aral na nagiging gabay para sa mga susunod pang mangyayari sa ating buhay, na dapat tayong maging mausisa at maging mapagmatiyag sa lahat ng oras. Pero, hindi rin naman natin masisisi ang ating mga sarili kung sa mga ganoong bagay tayo sasaya ngunit maling-mali talaga.

The secret of happiness, a Public Health student and a friend of mine said, is alternance (change). It takes such effort to get ourselves up to go somewhere, inertia settles it. But how could we do this? Could we just depend on other’s hand? Could we go somewhere and the risk of being torn?

We could, you know. We could live any way we want. People take vows of poverty, chastity and obedience- even of silence- by chance. The things are to stalk you calling in a certain skilled and supple way, to locate the most tender and leave the spot and plug into that pulse. That is yielding, not fighting.

Sa kabila ng ating pagkamarupok, pilitin natin itong nilalabanan. Ang malaking ilusyon ay kayo’y napatikim ng droga mula bata pa at magpahanggang ngayon at patuloy nating iniinom. Ang pangangailangan sa tao, na tayo’y matanggap, mapahalagahan, sang-ayunan, papurihan at palakpakan.

In the line of Psychology, Abraham Maslow stated that we humans need a feeling of belongingness (Hierarchy of Needs), which includes love and affection, being a part of groups.

Tanggapin man natin o hindi, nakokontrol tayo ng lipunan at ginagawa tayong robot kumbaga. Sa drogang ito, nawalan tayo ng kakayahang magmahal ng tunay sapagkat sa ating paningin, ang ating kapwa ay kaagaw at banta sa ating droga.
Sa akin ding nabasa, napagtanto kong kailanman hindi magiging perpekto ang isang bagay o nilalang sa mundong ibabaw. Bagkus, isang pantasyang panaginip lamang ang maghangad ng ganoon.

Life can be great but it can never be perfect. There’s no such thing as “ideal” for me. We are engaged in a situation where we can encounter various imperfections. And for quite some time, it almost boils down to the fact that we still aim for perfection. Wake up dork! You’re a human. And you can never be an Immortal One.

Samakatuwid, wag tayong maghangad na maging perpektong nilalang. May sari-sarili tayong depekto at dapat natin itong tanggapin. Kung hindi natin ito tatanggapin, marahil hindi tayo makakausad tungo sa kinabukasan at kaunlaran sa buhay.

NANG MANAGINIP ANG HANGAL. [Photo credit: google.com.ph]

NANG MANAGINIP ANG HANGAL. [Photo credit: google.com.ph]

 _______________________________________________________________________________

I read and write and fidget, I am fearful of lacking for something to say, to write. Yet I cannot imagine myself without a pen in hand, scribbling my thoughts. I have become my own irresistible subject. A writer of the personal essay speaks of it as a genre of maturity. I think of it as the genre of posthumous, it belongs to a feeling that you have already lived, that life is no longer matter of new departures; your thoughts and emotions have become retrospective.

Having said that, the little book “Nang Managinip ang Hangal” of John R. Jimenez, MD really depicts the real life of a sinner person.

With billion of people running around the planet, I am one of them who are imprisoned in the past of life.

It is a rare light that remains well ordered even in private. Any man can play his part in the sideshow and represent a worthy man on the boards; but to be disciplined within, in his own bosom, where all is permissible, where all are concealed- that’s the point.

I never felt so much depressed and dissipated until these past few days that nothing interests me anymore and that I don’t even care about myself. I can’t take the thought that a person like me having a strong endowment, a good family and much better life than the others, will be the evil person that I have become. I watched myself get drowned in the abyss of never ending solitude, loneliness that I’ve never been trying to all hide these years.

Normal lang naman sa tao ang malungkot pero parang hindi na tama ito. Ano pa’t nabubuhay ako at sayangin ang oras sa ka-“emohan”, diba? Sabi nga, ang buhay ay isang piging ngunit ang tao ay naguguluhan. Tulad ko, gutom ako sa pagmamahal ng isang ama.

Ngunit wala akong magagawa kundi tanggaping hindi ko nga talaga siya pwedeng makasama.

How I wish I could be a child once more and grow old which led to my alteration form the dark cherub.
Nung bata pa ako, feeling ko lahat ng bagay ay perpekto. Malaya ka. Lahat pwede mong gawin. Ngunit sa paglipas ng panahon, unti-unti akong namumulat sa tunay na reyalidad ng buhay. Pwede naman tayong maging masaya eh. Meron nga lang talagang pilit na pumipigil nito.

The three greatest evils confronting present day- society-politics without principle, pleasure without conscience, and science without humanity- can destroy all of us if they are allowed to fester within us.
Natutunan kong ang tao kaya naming umuwis pero ang problema kasi mahirap takasan. Kumbaga walang pagpipigil sa sarili.

Go lang ng go!

For all of us live in the shadow of the atomic bomb; all of us are surrounded by the stench and corruption of a permissive, hedonistic society. And, unless we wake up to the danger before it engulfs all of us, we can be lulled into a false sense of security by unprincipled who would embrace Machiavelli to their own ends.
Wag tayong maghangad sa perpeksyon at higit sa lahat wag nating sanayin ang ating sarili sa makamundong bagay o di kaya naman sa mga “pleasurable acts.”

Life, where everything and anything seems to take along time in process, is still ephemeral in essence.
Maraming pagbabago ang nagaganap sa araw-araw na pamumuhay. Tinuro din sa atin ang lumigaya ng may kondisyon, na para tayo ay lumigaya kailangan natin ang pera, tagumpay at iba pa. Tama nga ‘yon. Tulad ko, sa tuwing ako ay narerecognize dahil sa nakamit kong medalya, tropeo o sertipiko, masasabi kong mayroon akong “self-satisfaction”. Sabi nga sa kwento, kapag hindi mo nakamit ang gusto mo, hindi ka magiging kumpleto.

Life is something that lasts for a markedly brief time; we should all live it to the fullest- doing what we want and go away with no regrets. Sure enough, do it the right way and in accordance to the natural and human law. Life, indeed, is full of sweet surprises on its sleeve.

When reading the book also, I have come into a realization that friends come and go. Sometimes they make you sigh, sometimes they make you laugh, but the point is you should not depend on them.

Well, namimiss ko na nga mga friends at long-lost friends ko. But there’s this voice whispering me, “Don’t held back by your past.”
Tayo kasing mga tao minsan, hindia maka-move on. Pilit nating kinukulong ang ating mga sarili sa mga hindi “existing” na mga bagay.

What’s worse is, pilit din nating binabalikan ang mga tao o bagay na matagal ng lumisan. Idinidiin sa libro na ang nakaraan ay nakaraan na.

Wag sana tayong matakot na umusad. Tanggalin ang takot. Ako nga, it was tough recalling those times not because those were loathsome, though sometimes some can be, but because my heart swells at the thought that they were just over. But there’s no other way. I can’t begin a new leaf in my life if I wouldn’t end the other. Though there is a pang of hurt at the thoughts of leaving the past, I have to admit that I’m excited and tensed on what lies ahead of me.

And as I begin to end, I’m looking forward to the promises, though with uncertainty on what waits for me out there, still blooming where I was planted.

Kung anuman tayo ngayon sa kasalukuyan ay bunga na rin ng ating nakaraan. Responsibilidad natin ang hubugin pa ang ating mga sarili, ang ating pagkatao, sa mas kaaya-aya pang nilalang. At para nang sa gayon na rin ay hindi tayo matawag na robot.

Who am I? What I have been? What I have done? You may be seized by ambition, feel triumphant over a success, plunged into despair by failure. You may even stock from time to time. But to reflect continuously about your life and by implication about the lives of others, you need to enter the zone of posthumous in which you are no exalted and depressed by events, but have become calm. Or so I tell myself, it takes a perverse pleasure in being out of it. It’s not a matter of the intrinsic value of anything I’ve done, but rather the passing of generations, the inflection of younger voices and of their interests. Not to be lamented, we outgrow relationships. Thus, passing the learning or even knowledge we have acquired throughout the years.

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