When Words Seem To Be Unclear

I sit there, lone, reading the lines in the air.

Drastically caresses my flesh.

Confusingly finding out the meaning when words seem to fade away.

Terse expressions of desire towards someone else, lascivious, unbridled, and vulgar. I respond, hiding my distaste beneath words of agreement, pretending to be just as enthused.

Words seem to be found no where, struggling where it will take me. My hearts almost close to implosion.

________________________________________________

How peculiar. It was ever so easy to be agreeable towards those words. But now, my chest feels heavy with the unpleasant, irregular palpitations of my heart.

Appalled. Angry. Distraught. Horrified. Furious. Upset. Fuming. Enraged. Livid. Flustered. Agitated. Disturbed. Disconcerted. Troubled. Tense, Uncomfortable. On edge. Cheerless. Distressing. Poignant. Melancholic. Disconsolate. Cantankerous. Petulant. . Resentful. Spiteful. Green.

My hands leafed through the pages of a dictionary, formulating a proper description of this heavy, distasteful sentiment. Alas. I knew the word and I knew it well. But I dared not acknowledge it. How could I let myself feel it, when I have no proper reason to feel that way. I have no claim, no ownership, no entitlement.

I have no right to feel such things, no right to devout bad things. I’m so guilty. Please help me. Now words are lucid, I hope this would set my mind free and sedated.

So, I shall respond to your words in the way you want me to. Bite my tongue, and say what you want to hear while I get lost in all my selfish thoughts.

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