SILENCE Continues To DEAFEN Me

Silence is deafening.
I knew pretty well that the whispers are muted because you are currently under a deep slumber. But I cannot help but long for them. I long for your breath to brush through my ears, tickling the thin patch of skin of my neck, whispering sweet nothings to entice my fancy.

Oh, dear Nocturne, why must you torture me so?

The silence is ever so deafening. I cannot stand waiting for a flicker of the sound of your voice to reverberate through my flesh. So, I substitute my own voice, pretending that it is you who speak to me.

But I have to watch my thoughts before they come to life.

The shadows. I cannot hide my secrets from them, for they are listening in to my thoughts. They want to steal those thoughts of you from me. Why ever would they want them? I only have a mere, incomparable vision of your being. I know nothing much about you, my dear Nocturne, but the longing is incredibly intense that it is starting to hurt.

How familiar.

I could have sworn I have felt such things before.
Great things.
Great, but destructive.

Customarily, humans are full of joy and happiness when they are infatuated with another human being. They become silly little things. Happy, joyful, incredibly foolish little things, rambling about useless sentiments of love and ecstasy.

I, however, self-destruct whenever I encounter such an absurd state of mind. Similar to the customary standard of infatuation, but always somber, gloomy, depressed and overly sentimental. Never happy and content because of the paranoia that causes me to think that I shall never have my objet de l’amour.
I remember hating this state of mind because it has never really granted me even a semblance of happiness. It might be because I want something more. Or want something too much. Or something I know I could never have. Or an even mix of all of these things.

Such is human nature.

I know not what you think of me, dear Nocturne, and I would give anything just to figure out your thoughts. You hide behind your declarations of uncouth desire, when I know you want something more than that. A year twofold you have been alone, searching for someone to understand the nature of your being. You and I, we are both immensely terrified of refutation, so would it not make sense that you and I should be together?

And yet, I feel guilt.

Because there is one other person who has placed a claim on me.  I want to refute that claim, for I am never sure of how all of this would turn out if I decide to stay. But, then, I would feel an insurmountable amount of guilt and cause that person great pain if I left. I am torn between my desires for you and my indecision to sever the ties that bound me to someone whom I do not have a legitimate attachment to.
And the shadows are aware of that. They are using it against me, making it harder for me to get away.

The shadows are coming closer, clawing their way in to steal my thoughts of you away from me. I have to get you out of my head, swallow my tongue, and find where I rest before he comes to life.

They’re coming to take me away.

Getting closer.

The silence continues to deafen me.

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3 thoughts on “SILENCE Continues To DEAFEN Me

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